Why haven’t you answered my question yet?
It can take me a while to respond to questions. If you notice, I usually give answers that are longer and I put thought into what I’m saying. This means it takes me longer to respond to some questions. If it’s been over a week and you still don’t see yours posted, feel free to message me with the same question again, because I may have not received it before. (Simply saying “You haven’t answered my question” is not going to help me. I have no idea what you’re talking about.) I try to answer every question but due to the large amount I receive and how much time I put into each one, it’s becoming harder and harder to do so. If your question isn’t answered, it is most likely because I have answered a similar question multiple times before.

I’m under 17 years of age, can you give me detailed sex advice?
No. The decision to have sex is entirely up to you (and if you do plan on having sex, please use both birth control and condoms) but I don’t feel right giving detailed sex advice to minors. If you have a question about relationships or positive body image — anything that’s not like “I’m 15, can you tell me how to please a man sexually?” — feel free to ask! But unfortunately, I feel very weird and creepy giving sex advice to girls/boys who are extremely young.

Do you have any tips on giving blowjobs?
I usually start at the neck and make my way down. I’ll kiss his shoulders, his chest, his abs, his hips, etc. I spend extra time kissing his pelvic area right by the shaft of his penis and sometimes my face will brush against it while I’m doing this. I know he also really enjoys it when my breasts brush across it while I’m making by way down. (So, bonus if you have big boobs.)

After you’ve kissed/teased him for long enough, run your tongue along that vein on the underside of his dick, starting at the base and moving towards the head. When you reach the head, tease it a little bit, swirling and flicking your tongue over it. Take his head into your mouth and explore it with your tongue, too.

Once he’s begging for it, take as much as his shaft as you can into your mouth. Really get it deep in your throat. Personally, what helps me do this is when I put my guy’s hands on the back of my head and he helps push down a little bit. I trust him enough to do this, but he’s pretty much the first guy I’ve actually liked doing that. So, you may want him to help guide you down, but you may just want to do your own thing too. You can do this really slow and once you get it as far in as possible, hold it there for a second and moan.

Moaning while you give a guy head can feel great for them from what I’ve heard, because of the vibrations that come from your mouth while you’re doing it. I moan a LOT when I’m giving my guy head because I get really into it and I know it feels good for him, too. Don’t worry about deep-throating the whole time but it’s a really nice treat when you feel like switching it up. Otherwise, use your hand to cover/stimulate the rest of his dick when you’re sucking it. Use lots of saliva as lube. You can do it up and down, or in light twisting motions (I use a combination of the two). Use your other hand to massage his balls. If you want to make him cum quickly, maintain a steady rhythm doing exactly that. Otherwise…

Switch it up every so often and lick up and down the shaft of his penis. Lick and kiss the base, the sides, the tip, the upper side and the underside. Kiss and lick his balls. If you feel comfortable enough doing it, take them into your mouth. Look up at him with wide eyes, ask him if what you’re doing feels good. I seriously can’t get enough of all of this; I’ll bring my guy to the edge several times before I’ll either let him cum or fuck me. Tease him until he can’t take it anymore and he’s begging you to fuck him.

If you’re looking for a totally new way that you may have not tried before, lay down on your back on your bed. Let your head hang off the side a little bit. Have him come to that level, and give him head in that position. The angle allows for you to take him deeper into your mouth with more ease, and as a bonus for both of you he gets to play with your tits and body.

Last, but definitely not least: Don’t forget to swallow :)

How do you deep throat?
So first, don’t think that you have to deep throat the WHOLE time, you would literally suffocate haha. You just have to relax, and know that for a couple of seconds you won’t be able to breathe and that there’s going to be something hitting your gag reflex. I feel like a lot of it is knowing that and mentally preparing for it, because if a guy grabs your head and pushes you further down quickly then it’s a hell of a lot harder to control your gag reflex.

My gag reflex used to be really awful, but now I can get all of my guy into my mouth with little difficulty. It takes practice, really. So if you can’t take all of him in your mouth, just start going a little deeper than you normally would each time you give him head. Soon you’ll be able to do it better than you ever thought possible.

Also, when you’re giving him head, massage his balls. Definitely don’t ignore them, they’re important. Just take them in your hand and move them around a little bit. You can also lick/suck on them or take them into your mouth if you’re comfortable with it. He’ll love it, promise.

My boyfriend won’t go down on me, what do I do?
Cut him off! Seriously. Ask him if he would like it if you expected him to go down on you all the time but you never gave him head in return. I’m sure he would probably find it pretty unfair. You also need to try to explain to him that giving you oral isn’t about him, it’s about you. My guy doesn’t love giving oral because he just loves the taste of pussy, he loves giving me oral because he loves pleasing me and making me happy. I’m sure you can understand that because you probably love giving him head for the same reason. That’s definitely why I love giving head! Not because I love the feeling of a dick in my mouth, but because I love pleasing my partner. If your guy isn’t interested in making you happy then something needs to be changed.

Honestly, this isn’t something I would put up with in the least. I would probably break up with a guy over this — in fact, I have. We dated for about a month and he refused to give me oral even though he expected it from me all the time. We talked about it and he wouldn’t compromise. He was selfish in other areas, too. I’m not okay with selfish lovers. It’s about mutual pleasure and connecting with another person.

I’m not confident in myself. How do you gain confidence?
I think the most important part of having and gaining confidence is acting like you have it, whether or not you actually do. You act that way for long enough and… eventually you’ll start believing it.

I used to be extremely down on myself and I’m not going to lie, I still have days and times where I feel extremely self conscious about everything — my personality, my intelligence (or lack thereof), the way I dress, etc. But I rarely let that show. I never talk shit on myself out loud. If I’m feeling gross, fuck it. I’m going to act like I look hot. When you act confident in yourself, people respond accordingly. It’s extremely cyclical. Act confident —> people treat you better —> gain confidence.

Also, if there are things you can try that would make you feel better about yourself, try them! For me, one of the things I started doing was going to the gym. My body really hasn’t changed all that much, but I feel like I’m doing something good and healthy for my body which in turn, makes me feel better about myself… not to mention all the endorphins you get from exercise! But this could be different for anyone, you could do anything from painting to starting a new hobby to refining your writing skills. Literally anything you believe would make you feel better about yourself and proud of yourself would work.

I also don’t know if this is what you were implying but I want to say that hooking up with guys might not help improve your confidence. Sure, it feels nice in the moment that you know someone finds you sexy or appealing, but that’s a very fleeting feeling. People can give you all the compliments in the world and you can still have really low self-esteem. And vice versa, have you ever noticed that people who tend to receive a lot of negativity from others are quite often extremely confident? It’s really a very personal thing. Sleeping with people is something that, in my opinion, is best saved for when you already feel pretty good about yourself.

It really makes me sad seeing how self-conscious young women are. I’m sure you are a beautiful, smart, and interesting girl. I’m positive other people think the exact same thing, but what’s most important is how you feel about yourself, not how others feel about you.

When did you lose your virginity?
I was 15 when I had sex for the first time. It was between me and a older male friend of mine at the time (I was a sophomore in high school, he was a senior). He just straight up asked me one day if I’d want to have sex, and I did, so we did. There wasn’t really any discussion of whether or not we were ready, it was something I decided for myself. It didn’t hurt at all, it actually felt really good and we did it again a couple days later. Unfortunately since it was so long ago and I was relatively inexperienced with average dick size at the time, I have NO idea how big he was. I didn’t feel any different afterwards or that anything significant had changed. I’m still in contact with the guy, we message each other on FB every once in a while to ask how life is going and we’re actually playing a Words With Friends game against each other right now haha.

What’s your favorite sex position?
I think I enjoy being on top the most — I’ve been exploring my more dominant side as of late and I really like having most of the control over what’s going on. I get to go at my pace and rock just how I like it and look into his eyes and see his sexy chest/face, etc etc. I also don’t know if this will make sense to anyone else, but there are times when I’m having sex when it feels so good that I need to just stop and basically experience what it feels like right then. Example: if I’m on top and he’s hitting just the right spot I will literally just pause for a few seconds and take everything in. I just have to do it sometimes. Riding him is pretty much the only time I have that much control over the situation, and it’s the easiest position to bring me to climax in. It doesn’t hurt knowing that it’s my man’s favorite position, either ;) I also really enjoy getting fucked from behind. Missionary is my least favorite.

I’m a girl, how should I ride my partner when I’m on top?
Honestly, I just do what feels good for me and it ends up working out so that it feels amazing for them, too. I don’t think there’s any “wrong” way to do it as long as you’re enjoying yourself.

You can definitely look at porn to get some ideas but I don’t know if it’s the best indication of what feels good for women. I find that a lot of times in porn the women on top will bounce up and down (so the viewer can actually see the action going on) but that’s not necessarily what will feel the best for either of you.

For me, I really enjoy putting my legs on either side of him, squeezing them together, and rocking my hips back and forth. You can either sit straight up doing this, lean forward, or lean back. Leaning back will get him the deepest and it will make it easier for you to touch your clit while riding him. You can also move your hips in little circles while you grind against him or turn your body around so you’re facing his feet.

I also want to add that if you’re in the reverse cowgirl position (or if you’re facing him and you are flexible enough), touch/massage his balls while you’re riding him :) Every time I do this to my guy while we’re having sex it drives him fucking insane.

Just do what feels good to you and work with him to maintain a nice rhythm. It will be better for the both of you as well if he thrusts at the same time as you rather than just lying there. Just practice and you’ll be a pro in no time :)

How should I masturbate?
You’re going to have to experiment with yourself! When I masturbate I normally just rub my clit (or right above it) in little circles until I climax. Works like a charm. That might not work for you though, so just take some time to get to know your body. Touch different places and see what feels really good to you. You might want to experiment with sex toys, like a vibrator. Eventually, you’re going to know your body and what gets you going so much better than anybody else in the world.
I get a lot of questions about masturbation so here is a link to all my posts tagged “masturbation”.

I’m really insecure about my breasts. What should I do?
You’re totally normal! Boobs come in all shapes and sizes. A lot of the time when we see them in the media they have been surgically enhanced to look like that — aka, they’re not real. Real boobs won’t be as perky as fake ones. Nipples are also really diverse from girl to girl regarding shape, size, and color. It’s really really common to have what’s called “flat” nipples (nipples that aren’t constantly erect) until they’re stimulated.

Here’s a gallery of what real women’s breasts look like: http://www.007b.com/nipple_gallery.php As you can see they’re all very different and they’re all normal.

Don’t be self conscious, I’m sure your boobies are just beautiful! I used to/still am self conscious about my own sometimes but I’ve never had a guy who’s NOT super stoked to see them. What can I say — guys just love boobs. Anyone who you decide to show yours to will love them :) What really matters though is confidence, and remember that you’re beautiful no matter what your breasts look like.

I’m very insecure about what my vagina/labia looks like.
Insecurity about your vaginas/labia and how they look, taste, and feel is really, really common among women. So common that they now have a plastic surgery procedure for it called vaginoplasty that does a number of things, one of which is to shorten the labia. That’s… messed up. It’s straight up genital mutilation and we’re doing it to comply with these really narrow standards of what beauty is. (FYI, I think male circumcision is a form of genital mutilation as well.)

In porn, there’s definitely a huge variety of stuff if you know where to look, but by and large we see bald, pink, tiny vaginas where the outer labia completely covers the inner labia. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s not a good representative of all the diversity there is out there. Vaginas/labias come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. It’s actually incredibly common for women to have their inner labia extend further than their outer labia (which is one reason that the phrases changed to inner/outer from minora/majora) but by looking at the majority of porn, you wouldn’t know that. So we see that really small sample and start to think that’s what all vaginas are supposed to look like when the reality is, they don’t and yours is completely normal and beautiful too.

It’s time to stop hating our vaginas, it’s time to be proud of them no matter what they look like. I promise you than any guy you sleep with will love it and think it’s beautiful too, especially if you’re confident about it. They’re gonna be stoked to get the opportunity to see it, taste it, touch it. If they’re not, then they’re a misogynistic, ignorant, P.O.S, and who wants to deal with that? I HIGHLY doubt that would ever happen though; If your guy likes you, I can promise you that he will like every part of your body, including what’s in your pants.

What’s the difference between an uncircumcised and a circumcised penis? Is it gross if I am uncircumcised?
A guy who is uncircumcised will have foreskin on his penis and a guy who is circumcised will not. If a guy with foreskin is really hard and turned on, it should usually be totally retracted, so they generally look the same when they are erect. Some guys have more skin than others though, so even if they are totally hard it’s still possible to still have some skin covering the head of the penis, in which case it would probably be wise to pull it back before having sex.

Uncircumcised penises are also WAY more sensitive. It makes sense — when a guy is circumcised, the head of his penis is constantly exposed and rubbing against his clothing (as opposed to an uncircumcised guy whose head is not exposed unless he’s hard). When it’s like that for years and years, it becomes calloused and desensitized.

Uncircumcised guys aren’t gross at all, I actually prefer it! If you are worried about being uncircumcised, then stop worrying! It’s more common to be uncut than you think, and a lot of girls really love it. Also, be glad that you have the extra sensitivity :)

I’ve been dating someone for a while and our sex life isn’t as exciting as it used to be. How can we spice it back up again?
If you want sex, you’re going to have to work for it! That can actually make it more interesting and exciting for you, too. Play sexual games with him — text him naughty things while he’s at work and when he comes home, greet him at the door naked or in lingerie. If you’re out to dinner, start teasing him under the table by rubbing his cock through his pants. I promise you that when you get home he’ll be ripping your clothes off. If me and my guy are about to go out, I really like doing that beforehand, too. Then I know sex is going to be on his mind the rest of the night and he’s going to be so excited to get back and fuck. Or you could just pin him down one day and tell him that you’re going to do what you want to him (disclaimer: if he says no, listen to him.) There’s a lot of things that you can do!

Also, as un-sexy and un-appealing as it sounds, I’ve heard the best way to kick start your sex life when you’re incredibly busy or just not getting around to it is to PLAN sex. I know we like to think of sex as something super spontaneous, but spontaneity = less likely to happen. If you have an hour when you both get home from work, mark it on a calendar that the two of you are going to spend some time in the bedroom. You might get all hot and bothered during the week thinking about what’s going to happen during say, Fridays at 6 P.M. And even if the time comes and you’re not super horny, a little (or a lot of) foreplay will surely get you in the mood.

You can be as vague or specific about it as you want. You can plan for a date night (“On Friday nights we’ll go out to dinner, come back and watch a movie, and see what happens”) or you can plan exactly what’s going to happen during that time (“On Friday nights I’m going to give you an amazing blowjob, you’re going to go down on me, and we’re going to have rough, passionate sex until we collapse.”)

I know it sounds silly but from what I’ve heard, it really works and will bring you closer as a couple. I can see how it works too — even though I don’t explicitly plan my sex per se, when I know that my guy is coming over on a certain day and that we’ll be having sex it’s ALL I can think about and it makes me want him even more. By the time he actually gets to my house, it’s all I can do not to ravage him. Sex is pretty damn important for a healthy relationship. Trust me, I know having a higher sex drive than your man can be incredibly frustrating at times, but just be creative with how you approach sex and I’m sure you’ll get things going again.


How do you know that you’re having an orgasm?
The best way I know how to describe an orgasm is that it kind of feels like your whole body is sneezing (but much more pleasurable, haha). You know how when you sneeze you can feel it coming, you feel it build up, and then you feel the moment of release? Orgasms are just like that. There are times when having sex/being touched/touching yourself feels GREAT and can make your whole body shake but I don’t know if I would consider it an orgasm without the release of all the built up energy and the slight cool down period afterwards. If you experience orgasm, you will probably know. For me at least, it’s an unmistakable, mind-blowing feeling.

I’m a straight woman, is it normal to be turned on by pictures of other women and lesbian porn?
It’s COMPLETELY natural. Honestly, all you have to do is look at my blog to know the answer to this! I’ve experimented with women before when I was younger, but if I am prompted to identify myself with a label/sexuality, I say I am “straight” because by and far like men (and having sex with men) a whole lot more, and I’m only romantically interested in men. However… most of the stuff I post on here is hot chicks. They’re sexy! It’s hard to deny that.

This isn’t an uncommon thing at all. I know so many girls who identify as straight but are attracted to women on some level. I don’t really know the reasoning behind it but I have my theory that a lot of it has to do with how we are raised and the media. By that I mean… even as kids it wasn’t a big deal to find another girl attractive. Every time we would call another girl pretty, we’re acknowledging her as attractive. I tell my friends they look hot all the time, no one thinks anything of it. I’m not calling them hot just to say it, I legitimately think they look sexy. Guys didn’t get to do that. [US] society finds it weird when a guy compliments another guy. It’s not socially acceptable for a guy to tell his friend “you look sexy.” They grew up thinking that was wrong, which is why I think this phenomena is more common in women than it is men (or at the very least, more women ADMIT it than men do). The media adds to this by constantly bombarding us with images of what sexy is or should be — usually that’s images of women. When you grow up learning to see physical attractiveness of other women, of course that’s going to carry on with you as you get older.

Anyways, short answer: you’re completely normal/natural and I’m the exact same way.

I’m a girl and I have a really hard time orgasming. What can I do?
When it comes to penetration, have your partner stimulate your clit while they are fucking you. You can do it yourself too, either with your fingers or with a tiny vibrator (you can pick up a really cheap one at a sex shop.) I find this to work the best when I’m on top and it gives my guy really easy access to all the different parts of my body. Feels great and that’s definitely the most effective way to get me to come from sex.

As for oral, have your partner stimulate your g-spot with his fingers while they’re licking/sucking your clit. They’ll need to curl their fingers up a bit to really hit it. It also feels really great if they push down on your pelvic area with their other hand while they’re doing all this. (I couldn’t even tell you why this makes it feel even better, it just does!) It’s a lot of things to do in combination but if it’s done right, it’ll give you mind-blowing orgasms. My guy is so unbelievably good at this and he doesn’t even realize it!

If that doesn’t work for you, stress/anxiety is probably affecting your ability to orgasm. Instead of focusing on trying to climax, focus on the pleasure you get when you touch yourself or when your partner touches you. Even if you don’t reach orgasm, it feels good, right? The journey is way more important than the destination; orgasming is not the most important part of sex/masturbation. Once you take that pressure to climax off of yourself, you might actually find it way easier to orgasm! When I’m with a partner and I have trouble coming, it’s usually because I feel too much pressure to come and I get inside my head thinking “Oh god I’m taking too long, etc. etc.” Once I tell myself to shut up and just enjoy it, I can usually come.

How do I shave my pubic hair?
So first things first: if you’re going to shave, definitely use a brand new razor. Don’t even use it on your legs beforehand. I personally use Schick Intuition, that’s the razor with the huge soap thing surrounding it. I find that every time I use a normal razor and shaving gel it really ends up hurting me and I get awful razor burn, so I’d suggest trying that kind of razor if your skin is easily irritated like mine.

Second, stay under the water for a really long time before you shave to soften the hair and the skin. When I shave I always do it at the end of a shower.  When you initially start the shaving process, shave with the grain (so, if the hair is pointing down, shave downwards as well.) Once you do that once, you can definitely go back and shave against the grain to get that super close, soft shave. You want to do this standing in a comfortable position for you, especially if you are new at shaving you will probably want to see what’s going on. You may still see little black dots after this sometimes, but that doesn’t mean that you haven’t shaved close enough… the only way to avoid it is waxing which pulls the hair out at the root.

After shaving, to avoid bumps/itching use non-creamy lotion on the area you shaved. I’ve also heard that vaseline works quite well for this and you might want to reapply for the next couple of days until you shave again. Seriously, it works wonders on keeping everything from getting irritated and itchy — plus who wouldn’t want soft skin anyways?

Are you into boys or girls? Have you ever hooked up with a girl?
I’d say it’s probably like… 90% sexual attraction in men, 10% in women. I find women to be more attractive than men on average but I think it’s more of a, “Humph. I wish I looked like her,” than a, “OH MY GOD FUCK ME RIGHT NOW!” like it is when I see a really attractive guy. I definitely prefer sex with men and dating men; I don’t think I would ever seriously date another woman even though I don’t have a problem sleeping with them if it happens. And yes, it has happened before!

How do I know if I’m bad at kissing? Do you have any kissing tips?
There’s not really any way if you can tell you’re “bad” at kissing unless you ask your partner. Everyone’s kissing style is different so what’s good for one person might not be good for another. I was actually just talking about this the other day with my guy… he asked me, “When you kiss someone, do you normally kiss their bottom lip, or their top?” I almost always kiss someone’s bottom lip when I kiss and he almost always kisses their top, with the exception of when he wants to bite their bottom lip. It works really well for us. However, when he dated a girl that predominantly kissed people’s tops lips just like him and wouldn’t really adjust/compromise, it didn’t work for him. I find that it usually takes a little “training” and a little compromise for two people’s kissing styles to really synch up. It’s rare that you will find someone that matches yours completely right away. So, in conclusion, don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’re completely fine and even if you aren’t matching up right away, it just takes a little training and time together to get it right :)

I CAN tell you how I kiss though. I’ve heard I’m a good kisser but like I said, it’s difficult to say for sure when people have different styles. I will usually start to kiss them without tongue, just parted lips. I’ll lightly suck on their bottom lip when I do this. After a while I’ll slowly introduce my tongue into their mouth and swirl it around theirs a bit. I think I usually start with the tip of my tongue facing down and I’ll move it up against theirs. Every once in while I will bite their bottom lip, but not too hard unless I already know they like it that way. During the whole thing I either have my hands on their face, in their hair, or exploring their body. As stupid as it sounds, practice on the back of your hand to see what you like doing!

I am a 15/20/30 year old virgin. Is that weird? What will people think of me? What are your views on virginity?
There’s nothing wrong with deciding to wait to have sex, and there’s nothing wrong with having sex. What you do with your own body is completely up to you, and no one else should get a say in that. If you’re uncomfortable with having sex, please don’t have sex! If you want to have sex, then do what you want :) No one has the right to judge you for that.

I think there’s something really fucked up about our society’s obsession with virginity. It’s this abstract idea that in my opinion, shouldn’t hold any significance. Why is it that one act penetration should change the way we label someone or see them? Why do we have this notion that one act of penetration inherently changes a person?

We don’t have a word for someone who’s never been kissed. We don’t have a word for someone who’s never engaged in oral sex. We don’t have this notion that you have something really special when you have yet to have your first kiss and that once it’s gone, it’s gone. But we do have that with sex. Instead of saying “I’ve never had sex” we place soo much importance on the word and concept of “virgin”. The fact of the matter is, we seriously don’t even have a working medical definition for virginity. It’s entirely subjective. It really strikes me as strange that for something society holds in such regard, we can’t even agree on what it even is.

Sorry to quote Valenti again, but she’s wonderful and writes things that I, and many other people, can completely related to and understand. (Not to mention she can explain things much better than I can.) “The lie of virginity — the idea that such a thing even exists — is ensuring that young women’s perception of themselves is inextricable from their bodies, and that their ability to be moral actors is absolutely dependent on their sexuality… women are led to believe that our moral compass lies somewhere between our legs… It’s time to teach our daughters that their ability to be good people depends on their being good people, not on whether or not they’re sexually active.”

If this question was about yourself and you feel proud of yourself, then honestly good for you. If you don’t want to have sex, don’t! But it’d be great if you (or whoever you’re talking about) felt that they should be cherished by others for their other personal qualities and not just because they haven’t had sex.

If anyone is interested in this, there is a lot of feminist writing on the concept of virginity. The book that I quoted is “The Purity Myth” by Jessica Valenti and it’s another one of my favorites.

How do you give a good handjob?
Honestly, I don’t really have all that much advice to give on handjobs because I’ve heard really mixed reviews about them. Some guys say that don’t really like them all that much because they can do it better themselves, but some love them because it’s something that’s all about them (they can just be selfish, relax, and enjoy it). They’re fine for getting things started for me and the guys I’m with (I’ll definitely stroke a guy’s dick to get him excited) but if you’re not comfortable with going any further than touching, this might just be something you need to talk to your partner about. He could be one of the men who just doesn’t like them or he could absolutely love them. Just directly ask your partner what he likes and doesn’t like. Maybe the next time you give him a handjob, ask him if he likes it fast or slow or really lubed up or if there are any special movements you can do to make him enjoy it more. I can’t stress the fact that communication = better sex (and other things of a sexual nature) enough.

How can I just be “good” at sex?
It takes practice to be good in bed and since that’s an entirely subjective thing, what I consider to be “good” in bed could be another person’s “awful”. Seriously, the reason I consider myself good in bed is not because I have a ton of tips or tricks that work on absolutely everyone, it’s because I know how to communicate and find out what certain individuals like and I’ll do anything to please my partner. You’re just going to have to get to know each others bodies and learn along the way — you’re not going to be an expert at first!

You can talk to your partner beforehand and see if there’s anything they thinks or know that they like: do they like it when you’re gentle or rough? Are they vanilla or kinky? Are they dominant or submissive? All of these (and more) go into the equation. So really — and I know this isn’t quite the satisfactory answer you were looking for — there’s no way for me to tell you how to have mind-blowing sex because what constitutes mind-blowing varies from person to person depending on what they like and dislike. The only thing I can suggest is LOTS and LOTS of foreplay. Kiss and touch and lick and suck until neither of you can take it anymore :)

I want to try anal. Have you done it? Does it hurt?
Yes, I have tried anal. You can read about my first legitimate experience with it here and you can read my tips here.

Advice from followers:

- “Anal is a process for most girls I think. I have an ex who LIVES for it. Most don’t though. My experience is that it requires patience by both partners. It also requires lubrication and a slow steady build up in terms of penetration. If it hurts bad, stop. Just a guy’s thoughts.”

- ”Constant clitoral stimulation is a must. Starting small is crucial. Use a pinky first, while she’s engaged in other stimulation. Pleasurable distraction and intense patience are probably the key factors in successful anal sex. Most women I’ve found who enjoyed it have experimented with anal stimulation while masturbating alone too. You have to want to have it, and you have to have a thoughtful, caring lover who you trust and will listen to your body.”

Will you ever post a picture of your vagina or a video of your masturbating?
No. There’s nothing wrong with doing that but I’m not comfortable with it. Everything I post on this blog will be relatively soft-core, including the pictures/gifs of myself.

How big are your boobs?
I am in between a 36 D and a 36 DD.

How can you be open to trying new things in bed?
Just don’t be afraid to try new things. If you try something new, what’s the worst that could happen? Honestly, I want you to think about that one. If you try it & don’t like it, just don’t do anymore. It’s kind of like trying new food in the sense that we’re scared to try something because we don’t want it to taste bad but literally the worst case scenario is that it does and we spit it back out. No big deal.  So maybe you’ll try something new and discover you’re actually quite vanilla — which is perfectly okay — but you won’t know for sure until you try!

How do I know if I am ready to have sex? I’m scared of getting attached.
If you’re questioning whether or not you’re ready, then you might not be ready. If you are scared of getting emotionally attached, then you might want to wait to have sex until you find someone that you legitimately think won’t hurt you. This doesn’t just apply to losing your virginity, but any time you have sex with someone new.

Keep in mind that sex is what you make it. It can be a very emotional, intimate thing if you attribute that significance to it. It can also be something to be had just for fun. Just because we’re girls doesn’t mean we automatically get attached to guys just because we had sex with them — we can be just as detached as they can. Yes, there have been times when I have gotten attached to a man, like right now. There have also been times when they were the ones who got attached to me, and there have also been times where we both knew it was just a little bit of fun.

If you plan on becoming sexually active at any point, PLEASE make an appointment with your gynecologist to talk about getting on birth control and to talk about other expectations for sex. They are very professional and anything you tell them will be in confidence. Planned Parenthood should also have some options available for you. This is really, really important to do so please take it into account.

Am I supposed to wax/shave my pubic hair?
You should do whatever you want with your pubic hair, regardless of what guys think. It’s YOUR vagina. I’ve actually  run into a couple of guys that didn’t like that I shave everything, but I like it that way, so that’s what I do. You do what you prefer, too. There is no right or wrong way, here. Just do what you are most comfortable with.

Have you ever had a threesome?
I have had a threesome and I’ve also had a foursome. The threesome was with two men and it was fantastic. I loved having all the attention be on me and they worked extremely well with each other. It was so much fun and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. You can read a detailed account of the event here. The foursome was with two men and another girl. It was fun, but I preferred the threesome. Feel free to ask specifics about that one, because I have yet to write up on it.

I want to have sex with someone I am dating but I am worried that they will lose respect for me if I sleep with them.
It is true that there are SOME men who will be uninterested if you sleep with them too soon. These aren’t the kind of men I want to date. I have slept with guys on the first date many times before — sometimes, they’re uninterested afterwards. I don’t like the idea that I lose my value as a person just because I sleep with them earlier in the game. Do women think that about men? Nope. As I said before, these aren’t the kind of dudes I (or anyone) should want to interact with.

I have also slept with men on the first date who have absolutely adored me afterwards. I slept with my most recent ex-boyfriend before we even went on an official date. We dated for 3 years after that. Very recently, one guy in particular — a feminist, of course ;) — professed his love for me after sleeping together for a while. Again, I slept with him even before our first “real” date. With the guy I’m seeing right now, it wasn’t until our fourth date (about 2 weeks after meeting) that we had sex — a long time for me, but short by societal standards. He is obviously still interested in me.

Point being, you should have sex when you want to have sex (or do anything else sexual.) You shouldn’t feel like you have to wait to hold someone’s interest. When you comply with that (even when you really want to have sex), you’re really telling yourself and others that it’s okay with you when other people define your entire worth as a person by how quickly you’ll sleep with them. And that’s not okay, it’s really not.

If you want to sleep with someone early on, do it. Don’t worry about whether or not they’ll be uninterested afterwards. If they are, that’s a reflection on them, not on you. Fuck ‘em, you don’t want to be with that kind of person anyways.

Do you have a favorite porn star?
James Deen and Stoya :) When they do a porn together it’s like magic.

How are you a sex-addict AND a feminist?
What is contradictory about that statement (being a sex addict and a feminist) at all? The view that feminists are prude, ugly, lesbians is a total myth. At its most basic form, feminism is the belief that all genders and sexes should be treated equally and respectfully (socially, economically, and politically.) That’s it. No more no less. Many of you are probably feminists by definition without calling yourselves the “f-word” because of the horrible rap they/we have.

One part of feminism is sexual liberation (for all genders). I want to be free to engage in whatever sexual acts I desire with whomever I desire without fear of being chastised or called a whore or a slut. I honestly really dislike that I feel I have to keep this blog anonymous because I’m a woman talking about sex and showing my body. I’m strong enough to not care what would happen if my peers saw it, but we live in a world where having a nude picture on the internet could potentially disqualify you from being employed somewhere. And that’s fucked up.

As stated by Jessica Valenti in her book Full Frontal Feminism, “I’m better in bed than you are. And I have feminism to thank for it. There’s nothing more hackneyed than the notion that feminists hate sex. Feminists do it better ‘cause we know how to get past all the bullshit.” Seriously, if anyone is at all interested in what the modern/3rd wave feminist movement is about, read this book by her. It’ll make you laugh and it’ll make you want to cry at points. But best of all it will challenge and shatter all of your preconceived notions of what feminism is all about.

I feel awkward talking dirty, what can I do?
Although sex is a very natural thing, a lot of people don’t realize the various parts of it that are socially constructed. In this case, that socially constructed thing would be dirty talk. So don’t feel like you shouldn’t have a relationship because you feel awkward about it because dirty talk is not something people are pre-programmed to do.

That being said, the most important thing here is practice. You can start small — if your partner touches you and it feels good, don’t be afraid to tell them, “Mm, that feels so good.” It’s very simple and doesn’t make things awkward. It’ll stroke their ego and let them know what you like (and communicating your likes and dislikes is important because it leads to much better sex/things of sexual nature.)

Saying that the first time is probably the most important part here. If you say it and they responds well, you’ll feel better about talking dirty in the future and maybe take bigger risks. Also keep in mind that if they are saying sexy things to you, they most likely really wants you to respond and would be happy about you saying anything. You can do no wrong!

I actually had this issue recently but the other way around — my guy felt awkward talking dirty even though I really liked it. He did what I just told you and started small and eventually he become more and more comfortable with it.

Do you take submissions?
Yes, if you are 18+ you can, but I can’t guarantee that they will be posted. You can submit here.